The Commons is a weblog for concerned citizens of southeast Iowa and their friends around the world. It was created to encourage grassroots networking and to share information and ideas which have either been suppressed or drowned out in the mainstream media.

"But if the cause be not good, the king himself hath a heavy reckoning to make, when all those legs and arms and heads, chopped off in battle, shall join together at the latter day and cry all 'We died at such a place;' some swearing, some crying for a surgeon, some upon their wives left poor behind them, some upon the debts they owe, some upon their children rawly left. I am afeard there are few die well that die in a battle; for how can they charitably dispose of any thing, when blood is their argument? Now, if these men do not die well, it will be a black matter for the king that led them to it; whom to disobey were against all proportion of subjection." (Henry V, Act V, Scene 4)

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

HollywoodOz - Wolf Blitzer's career epitaph

Wolf Blitzer's career epitaph.
by HollywoodOz

Wolf Blitzer has been serving up a little fightback to Lynne Cheney today on CNN, after she chose to use his interview last Friday to question his patriotism for daring suggest her husband approved of torture.

Even though he, in black and white, did.

Of course, this is what happens when you spend five years cupping the balls of every Republican on national TV - eventually they figure they can do whatever they want to you, and what are you gonna do, fight back?

So without further ado, I give you Leslie "Wolf" Blitzer's career epitaph:

First they came for Muslims, but I covered for them, because Muslims aren't our demographic.

Then they went to war based on lies, and I helped them, because ratings are good for cable news during wartime, and they weren't sending my kids off to fight.

Then they came for the anti-war protesters, and I said nothing on TV about it, because hippies don't buy the Hummers and Boeing fighter jets advertised on my network.

Then they approved torture, but that's not something I liked to talk about on the air, because they weren't torturing my demographic.

Then they opened secret prisons, but I didn't talk about that much because, well, they're not sending me to them, are they?

Then they took out Bill Maher, and Ashley Bansford, and Aaron Brown, and Phil Donahue, and a few others in the journalism game, but I didn't let that bother me because I'm doing just fine.

Then they came for the gays, but I covered for them, because I'm not gay.

Then they came for the non-believers, but I stayed out of that one because, well, religious zealots are scary.

Then they disenfranchised the black voters, but I waved that off as silly conspiracy theories, because black voters don't watch Lou Dobbs.

Then they stole an election.. and then another.. and I bullshitted to the nation that "the exit polls must have been wrong..."

Then they came for the immigrants - legal and otherwise - and I said nothing because I'm not employed by CNN Espanol.

Then they came for the Democrats, but I was cool with that because, heck, the Republicans pay my wages.

Then they lost a Major American city to rising water and snakes, but I cut them some slack because, well, you learn from your mistakes, don't you?

Then they gutted the treasury, but I said nothing because my bank account looks great.

Then the Downing Street memo came out, but I didn't mention it, because it was embarassing to the Prez.

Then they bought commentators, paid them off with taxpayer dollars, and I let it go because, let's be honest, they're doing the same with me.

Then they tried to sell our ports to Dubai, and I flew to Dubai to show America how great they are at running ports.

Then the Saudis financed terrorism, but I covered for them because the Royal Saud Investment Group buys TV time. We don't talk about the Saudis anymore.

Then they gutted amendments 1-10 of the Constitution, but I said little about it because Ann Coulter said it would be partisan if I took a side.

Then they banned movies and shut down radio DJs and boycotted the Dixie Chicks and fined TV stations for saying rude words, but I did not fight them because it wasn't 'sexy' enough.

Then the President's approval ratings sank like a stone, but I didn't kick him while he was down, repeatedly finding joy in the fact that he "was up two points to 37% approval".

Then they tapped our phones, but I didn't get angry, or tell the nation how awful that is, because it would have made the Republicans mad.

Then the Vice President made millions in deferred salary from Halliburton while giving them no-bid contracts that they refuse to deliver on, but I said nada about that because Dick says he's not emplyed by Halliburton... even though he is.

Then George Allen was found to be racist, and Conrad Burns a fraud, and Mark Foley a predator, and Scooter Libby a traitor, and Tom DeLay a corrupt sleaze, and Lynne Cheney wrote sex novels involving lesbian sisters, and Duke Cunningham was innocent until it was really clear he wasn't, and Denny Hastert protected child molesters, and donald Rumsfeld broke the military and Jack Abramoff gave money to dozens of Republicans, and I kept a lid on all that as much as I could because, frankly, they weren't Democrats, so they didn't deserve more than a Friday afternoon mention.

Then they took away habeas corpus, but I didn't tell the American people because I'd just have to go and explain what habeas corpus is, and why it's the very center of American democracy, and that's a lot of stuff to explain when there's a white girl missing in Alabama.

Then Jack Cafferty read your emails on the air, all of which slammed the Republicans for their crimes, and I said things like, "There must have been some supporters of Bush as well, wasn't there, Jack?" and "As always, Jack Cafferty, good for a laugh," so that his words would have no power.

Then Paula Zahn turned news into an electronic version of the National Enquirer, and I promoed her, because do the people really need actual news from a news network?

Then my bosses hired serial gambler/values man/Republican operative Bill Bennett to give 'unbiased insights', and I welcomed him because truth is overrated. Then they hired Glenn Beck, and I welcomed him because, he's so sassy! Then they gave air time to Nancy Grace, who I'll promo even if her brand of gutter journalism is responsible for suicides of those she features on her show. Because hey, who am I to judge?

Then O'Reilly lied, and I let it go. Then Hannity lied, and I let it go. Then Coulter plagiarized, and I let it go. Then Kyra Phillips put a new definition to right wing shillery, but I let it go, because the stuff on the teleprompter didn't mention them.

Then, when the Republicans had nothing left but corruption, racism, bigotry, racial hatred, torture, war crimes, desecration of the Constitution, stolen elections, massive fraud, profiteering and an economy that is, for at least 99% of people, bankrupt...

...then they came for me.

And when they did, nobody defended me, because, well, let's be honest; I've shat on every man, woman and child in this entire nation who looked to me to tell them the truth, keep them informed, and ensure that their hard-won rights that have been sacrosanct for the last 200+ years, remained in place.

I've sold out everyone who wasn't a card-carrying Republican. I've lied, obfuscated, muddled, muddied, twisted words, hidden the truth, held stories back, mocked the left, held the right as the 'middle ground', bowed and scraped and swallowed what was delivered to me on letterheads that feature the words "Republican Party talking points", regurgitating utter fabrications and feeding them to the people as fact.

I'm a whore. My name is Leslie Blitzer. I like to call myself Wolf.

And when you write the history of modern American politics in the 21st century, please don't forget that, though I never pulled the trigger on the American population, my job from 2000-2006 was to aim the gun squarely at them.

Postscript: It's been pointed out in the comments, and rightfully so, that the original quote this was derived from was written by Pastor Martin Niemöller. Respect where it's due, and perhaps take a moment to reflect upon the fact that, in 21st century America, a short poem written by a man held in a Nazi concentration camp, has become applicable to us all.


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